LacLac

The unholy alliance of Calpis (they of the badly named lactic acid and milk-based soft drink) and Ajinomoto (the MSG kings) have been flooding the market with yet another strangely named beverage, LacLac (ラクラク). In Japanese, that's pronounced as "rakuraku." Perfect nonsense syllables for a perfectly nonsensical drink. Ajinomoto actually bought Calpis a few years ago and this co-branded effort is one of the first results of the absurd levels that design, development and marketing can descend to. 

Something of a sports drink*, a health drink and a sort of playful Pepsi generation-ish quencher, it is certainly none of those. What it is is a watery, appley and artificially sweetened something-or-other. Ostensibly a mix of good lactic acid ferment apple juice, phosphorus and other healthy stuff, it's a bit of a stretch in justification of this sugar water. 

The company press release boasts of its ingredients coming either from Turkey, Germany, Poland, Austria, Ukraine, Brazil and/or Israel. This faux internationalism is merely about the reach of capital. Instead of making a coherent statement about taste, quality, nutrition or the simple fact of thirst-quenching, LacLac, even in its Babel-esque nonsensical name, remains hubristic, absurd and ultimately a product that will go the way of Pepsi Clear and New Coke into the dustbins of history. The sooner, the better.

Konishi Manami, disposable television and film starlet flacks for LacLac

*The subject of  "sports drinks" and the triumph of marketing artificial and useless concoctions over true human need is perhaps worthy of a longer essay.